Jerry Jones Arrested in Armor Truck Heist?

Earlier this morning, I posted about my love for national television programs making typos or other types of errors. Well, Ralphie (yeah, that’s what he said his name was) sent this video to me, which depicts Dallas Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones as the main suspect of an armor truck heist. I would’ve thought spirits would be high in Dallas after a 2-0 start…

Ronald McDonald is a Porn Star

A Chinese Guy Dies After Playing Games for Three Days

Video games no longer indirectly cause people to kill other people, video games are now the actual killer of people.

Yesterday, a man in China decided to go to an Internet cafe and play video games, for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT! CNN is reporting that he died from exhaustion, brought on by "too many hours on the Internet."

In China, the Internet is the new SARS.

Nebraska Senator Ernie Chambers Sues God

LINCOLN, Neb. - The defendant in a state senator’s lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He’s everywhere.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he’s trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

Full story: MSN

Son Arrested for Assaulting Dad with a Bag of Cheetos

Patrick Hamman, 22, was arrested for throwing the bag of Cheetos at his father, Michael Hamman, hitting him in the face and covering poor dad in Cheetos dust.

It was a cheesy thing to do, Patrick said, admitting he was high on methamphetamines at the time of the argument.

Just when I thought I’d seen it all…

Full story: Di-ablog

Airline sacrifices goats to appease sky god

Officials at Nepal’s state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.

Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due to the problem.

Just when you thought the rest of the world was catching up with the times, you see something like this. Ugh. So dumb.

Full story: MSN

March Boedihardjo, a 9 year old Indonesian-Chinese resident in Hong Kong, goes to College

A nine-year-old mathematics prodigy has become Hong Kong’s youngest undergraduate as he waltzed through his first day at university saying classes were too easy. March Boedihardjo, an Indonesian-Chinese resident in Hong Kong, was accepted by Baptist University to study for a master’s degree after gaining straight As in entrance A-level exams usually taken at 17 or 18.

Is it just me, or does this make anyone else feel really pathetic?

Mike Vick’s Apology Speech

Last week, much was made of Mike Vick’s apology speech after he agreed to his plea bargain. Unbeknownst to me, people actually believed his speech was heartfelt and sincere, because “he spoke without notes.” Wha wha wha whaaaat?

Anyone who watched the press conference clearly saw him glance down in front of him immediately after saying he was there to speak from his heart. I even joked about it on Ballsiest last Monday! Anyways, the Humane Society is claiming to have the sheet of paper that his cheat notes were written on (pictured above).

The note says:

1. Apologize for what I’ve done
2. Apologize Commissioner, AB, Petrino, ashamed disappointed
3. Young kids I acted immature
4. Forgiveness & understanding
5. Take full responsibility for my actions
6. We all make mistakes I’ve made mistakes in judgment / Dogs have suffered

This note is clearly not from Mike Vick’s hand… The top of the paper says "Omni Hotel", and we all know that Mike Vick has never come in contact with any other paper than rolling papers.

 

New Lottery Jackpot Winner - Elwood “Bunky” Bartlett

Elwood “Bunky” Bartlett is the newest overnight celebrity and millionaire. He had the winning lottery ticket to claim his 1/4th share of the $330 million jackpot. After he takes the lumpsum and after taxes are taken out, his share should be around $42.

Barlett was the last of the four winners to come forward with his winning ticket. Could they have found a less flattering photo than this?

Happy Labor Day Everyone

We at dirt.LA would like to wish everyone a Happy Labor Day. Today is the day that employers around the country reward outstanding employees for sitting in front of their computers pretending to look busy with a day off. America, you earned it!

- Margaux and Brian