How to get a Guy to Wash his Hands…

Announcer Randomly makes Britney Spears Reference During Georgia vs. Alabama Game

So I’m watching the college game between Alabama and Georgia (God it felt good to see Nick Satan lose), and just as the game is going into overtime, one of the announcers starts blurting something out about Britney Spears. Please folks, let’s separate the worlds of football and celebrity sluts.

Breast Feeding News Report

Check out this news reporters reaction during a report on breast feeding. Oops!

Britney Spears High as a Kite

When are people going to realize that Britney Spears was just a white trash, redneck, dirtbag who was taken out of Louisiana and made into a star? You can take the dirtbag out of the trailer park, but you can’t… yeah, you get it.

Jerry Jones Arrested in Armor Truck Heist?

Earlier this morning, I posted about my love for national television programs making typos or other types of errors. Well, Ralphie (yeah, that’s what he said his name was) sent this video to me, which depicts Dallas Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones as the main suspect of an armor truck heist. I would’ve thought spirits would be high in Dallas after a 2-0 start…

Ronald McDonald is a Porn Star

Son Arrested for Assaulting Dad with a Bag of Cheetos

Patrick Hamman, 22, was arrested for throwing the bag of Cheetos at his father, Michael Hamman, hitting him in the face and covering poor dad in Cheetos dust.

It was a cheesy thing to do, Patrick said, admitting he was high on methamphetamines at the time of the argument.

Just when I thought I’d seen it all…

Full story: Di-ablog

Mike Vick’s Apology Speech

Last week, much was made of Mike Vick’s apology speech after he agreed to his plea bargain. Unbeknownst to me, people actually believed his speech was heartfelt and sincere, because “he spoke without notes.” Wha wha wha whaaaat?

Anyone who watched the press conference clearly saw him glance down in front of him immediately after saying he was there to speak from his heart. I even joked about it on Ballsiest last Monday! Anyways, the Humane Society is claiming to have the sheet of paper that his cheat notes were written on (pictured above).

The note says:

1. Apologize for what I’ve done
2. Apologize Commissioner, AB, Petrino, ashamed disappointed
3. Young kids I acted immature
4. Forgiveness & understanding
5. Take full responsibility for my actions
6. We all make mistakes I’ve made mistakes in judgment / Dogs have suffered

This note is clearly not from Mike Vick’s hand… The top of the paper says "Omni Hotel", and we all know that Mike Vick has never come in contact with any other paper than rolling papers.

 

New Lottery Jackpot Winner - Elwood “Bunky” Bartlett

Elwood “Bunky” Bartlett is the newest overnight celebrity and millionaire. He had the winning lottery ticket to claim his 1/4th share of the $330 million jackpot. After he takes the lumpsum and after taxes are taken out, his share should be around $42.

Barlett was the last of the four winners to come forward with his winning ticket. Could they have found a less flattering photo than this?

Mike Vick gets Advice on Going to Prison

“I would advise Mike to go in with a lot of humility,” Schlichter said. “I’d advise him to try to be like everyone else.

“If you walk in there expecting to get special treatment from the inmates or the guards, you’re going to be disappointed. They don’t take kindly to that. What I tried to do was keep my mouth shut and get to know some people I wouldn’t normally have had the chance to meet. I kept my head down most of the time.”

Translation: Mikey, you’re gonna be on the floor taking it… are you ready for this… DOGGIE STYLE! Buh Duh Tissssss.

One thing in Vick’s favor is that if he were fortunate enough to end up on the receiving end of a good old fashion prison raping, when Big Bubba pulls his pants down, only to see Ron Mexico’s pulsating sores all over, it’s entirely likely that wood will be lost and Vick will be left with his virginity.